Wedding planning can turn what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life into one of the most stressful days of your life. At the very least, it’s easy to get caught up in the details in the weeks and months beforehand. That’s no excuse for treating friends and family members poorly, though. The rules of etiquette have shifted a lot in the last few decades, but if you want your guests to have an enjoyable experience at your wedding, you’ll avoid making any of the following mistakes.

A and B teams

Finding a proper venue is one of the trickiest tasks for a couple. Your mother may want to invite one hundred people, including people you’ve never in your life met. But the venue you love the most may only fit one hundred people at most. Any more than that and the fire marshal will shut the whole thing down. You don’t want that. In an attempt to find a creative solution to such issues, some brides and grooms have two or three sets of people to invite. The first set is the people they really want there. They’ll send those invites out the soonest. If they invite 50 people from that list and 20 say they can’t come, then they’ll invite 20 of the people on the “B” list. It’s all pretty complicated, and unnecessarily so. How would you feel if you knew someone didn’t really want to invite you to their party? No one wants to be placed on the junior varsity squad of wedding guests. It’s better to make some tough decisions at the beginning of the process. It’s a lot easier to explain limited space than it is to explain A teams and B teams.

Making friends and family cook for you

Some brides will say they’re really into DIY when what they really mean is “I like using my loved ones as unpaid labor.” Catering can be pricey, but the solution isn’t to ask your friends and family members to spend all day in the kitchen when they would rather be enjoying the ceremony and reception. It doesn’t matter if your cousin Amy has a catering business on the side; it’s still rude to assume that she’ll be happy to work for free. As a general rude, don’t assume anyone will work for free. There are also plenty of good reasons not to mix family with business. Hire professional caterers and don’t risk alienating family members. You’ll get a better product, and you’ll ensure that your family members don’t have to spend your wedding day working.

Cash bars

If you want to start a fight among wedding planners, ask them about cash bars. For some people, it’s the height of rudeness to set up a bar and expect your guests to pay for every single drink. After all, they’re not paying for the food. Other people think cash bars are a fine way to save money, since alcohol is expensive. While drinks can be pricey, it’s a good idea to at least make some of the alcohol free. Maybe the first two drinks are free, but you have to pay if you want more than that. Maybe beer and wine is free but mixers aren’t. You don’t have to have alcohol at your wedding, but if you do, it’s a good idea to treat your guests without blowing your budget. Otherwise you’re running the risk that they’ll just skip drinks at the reception, then cut out early and head to the liquor store. A wedding is a celebration, and for many people, celebrations generally include at least a little alcohol.